The Joys of Cracked Pepper
by blerghy
Summary: AU. 'Cracked pepper, sir? Madam' Lief was just doing his job... and the girl was pretty, anyway. Why wouldn't he help her out? Contains some mild swearing. Slight LiefxJasmine.


A/N: Well, this little fic was inspired by 'The Chaser's War On Everything' when Chris went around offering cracked pepper. It was pretty funny. Basically, it's modern times and Lief isn't royalty. He's a waiter instead. Dain isn't an Ol, either...

Well, I hope you like it. :D

Disclaimer: Sadly, it'd not mine.

Warning: This story is AU and contains some swearing. The characters may be a little OoC.

Lief glanced up as the door to the restaurant opened, ready to greet the next customer with a cheery smile, and seat them. He nearly smirked when a beautiful young woman came through the door, wearing a red dress that hugged her curves. Well, there were definitely benefits to working at a somewhat posh restaurant. Sometimes the ladies were hot, and sometimes the boss was nice and let the workers leave a little earlier than normal. However, they were pretty much the only upsides. The pay was shit, many of the customers were rude and temperamental, they had to keep smiling even if they were being verbally abused, heaps of stuck-up people dined at the restaurant and the workers had to wear clothing that reminded Lief of penguins. But hey, it was a job.

Lief's mood dampened when he noticed a young man walk in after the girl. Why were all the pretty ones taken? Just as he was about to get up and perform his duties as a waiter, Marilen greeted them. He relaxed again and stared at the counter, drumming his fingers on the wood to the beat of some tune he had heard on the radio that morning. Lief nearly groaned as the old couple near the window called out for a waiter.

"What can I do for you?" Lief asked, smiling pleasantly.

"There's something wrong with this pumpkin soup," the old lady said grouchily.

Glancing at it, Lief had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. "It appears to be chicken soup, madam."

"Well, I don't want it," she snapped. "I want pumpkin soup."

"Of course, madam. I'll see to it," Lief said politely, whisking the bowl of unsatisfactory soup away and striding into the kitchen.

"Ranesh, the lady wants pumpkin soup," Lief said, glancing at his favourite chef, Marilen's boyfriend Ranesh.

"Yeah, okay," Ranesh replied. He went up to an enormous pot and stirred it for around a minute, before spooning some into a bowl and handing it to Lief.

"Thanks," Lief said. He walked out of the kitchen and to the old couple's table again, carefully setting the soup down in front of the lady.

"Can I have some pepper with that?" she asked.

"I'll get that right away, madam," Lief said. He walked to the counter and found the pepper grinder. Walking back, he put the pepper into the woman's soup as she told him to, then walked off when he was dismissed.

Walking behind the counter again, he listened to the conversation the pretty girl was having.

"I said _no_, Dain," she sighed, sounding exasperated and a bit annoyed.

"Will you just give me a shot?" the young man, Dain, asked.

"No. I just want to be friends, nothing more," she growled, slapping the boy's hand away from hers.

"Come on, gorgeous, you're just playing hard to get," he said, winking and giving her a winning smile.

"Do you want me to leave?" she hissed. "Because one more comment like that, and I will! I don't like you that way, so live with it!" Lief decided that she looked really cute when she was angry, but was glad he wasn't in Dain's position. She was also really scary when she was angry.

"Look, Jasmine," Dain sighed, "I really like you. Can't you give me a chance?"

Lief noticed that Dain's hand was sneaking towards the girl's thigh, and raised an eyebrow, even though Dain wasn't looking at him. _Huh, real smooth. Touching her when he's getting rejected. He surely is going to get slapped soon! _Lief thought gleefully. However, glancing at the girl called Jasmine, he noticed that she was looking distressed as well as angry. His gleeful thoughts slipped away. Looking at the two more closely, he noticed that Jasmine had ordered some vegetables while Dain had ordered some steak. He fought back a smirk as he concluded that it was time to intervene.

Sauntering over, Lief held up the pepper grinder he still had in his hand. "Cracked pepper, sir? Madam?" he asked politely, trying to hide his smirk. Jasmine glanced up at the waiter who had come over at a somewhat inopportune moment for Dain, but a good moment for her. She was about to blow up in Dain's face. She scowled slightly when she realised that the waiter's smile was more of a smirk, and glanced up to see his eyes sparkling with some unknown emotion.

"No," Dain snapped, jolting Jasmine out of her thoughts.

"Be more polite!" Jasmine scolded. The waiter looked surprised and somewhat hurt, but she knew that he didn't actually feel that way. The twinkling eyes and slight smirk gave it away.

"Madam?" Lief said, turning to her.

"Just a little, thank you," she said. He leaned over and ground a little pepper onto her plate before stepping back and walking away.

"Bloody idiot," Dain muttered angrily.

"I beg your pardon sir? I didn't quite catch that," the waiter said, tilting his head around to look at Dain.

"I didn't say anything," Dain snapped, glaring at him.

"My apologies," the waiter said, turning his back again and walking back to the counter.

"Jasmine, come on. Don't you feel anything for me?" he asked, turning back to the young lady.

"Not in the way you want me to. As I said, you're not getting anything other than friendship from me," she said, eating some of her vegetables to try and buy herself time. Dain was extremely persistent, and she needed time to think.

Dain sighed and ate his steak in silence, biding his time. He would have to catch her off-guard, he decided. Once they had both finished their meals, the pretty waitress came and cleared their plates, then asked if they wanted dessert.

"Yes please. Two strawberry tarts," he said promptly, ordering Jasmine's favourite for both of them.

"Yes, sir," the waitress said politely, and walked back into the kitchen. Dain raised his eyebrows slightly. These people were so polite…

Jasmine frowned slightly and looked away from Dain, her gaze ending up on the waiter at the counter who had offered pepper. He had a serious expression on his face, but the image was ruined by the coin he was repeatedly spinning on the countertop. He was good-looking, Jasmine decided. Not stunning or anything, but he had a nice-looking face and very lovely eyes… Not that she would _ever_ date him, or anything. She was just… admiring…

"Your dessert, sir and madam," the waitress said upon returning, placing the tarts in front of them and moving to attend new people that had just walked in.

Lief stopped spinning his coin and put it back in his pocket in case he was called for. _What am I, a slave?_ He mentally grumbled. He glanced back at the green-eyed girl and saw her picking at her strawberry tart, clearly not comfortable with the situation. She looked awkward, and quite pissed off. So, naturally, it was time to be a gentleman and rescue the damsel in distress.

Standing, Lief walked back over to the two with his pepper grinder held out in front of him in an almost menacing manner.

"Cracked pepper on your strawberries?" he offered, hiding a grin.

"What? Are you stupid? You don't have pepper with dessert!" the man, Dain, exclaimed.

"Just offering, sir. What about with your drink then?" Lief had to admit, he was really beginning to enjoy himself.

"Are you sane at all?" Dain demanded.

"It is a questionable topic, sir, but the more important issue is if you require any cracked pepper with your drink," Lief replied. Ah, the joys of irritating customers…

Jasmine started to laugh, though she tried to hide it behind her hand. Unfortunately, Dain still saw it, and that made him even angrier.

"What is wrong with you?" he growled.

"Again, that is questionable. But cracked pepper with your drink, sir?" said Lief, his eyes twinkling.

"Of course I don't want pepper in my drink!" he shouted.

"Well then, cracked pepper with your tie, sir?" he asked politely. He was beginning to make quite a scene, but he was only being polite. Just doing his job and making sure the customers weren't lacking in pepper.

"Look, get lost you lunatic!" Dain snarled, his hands clenching into fists.

"Ooh, cut," the waiter muttered sarcastically.

"What did you say?" Dain yelled. The dumb waiter was ruining everything!

"I apologised for the inconvenience, sir. As for you madam. Will you be requiring any cracked pepper this evening?" he asked politely.

"No, but thanks," she said, smiling at him.

"Anytime, sweetie," he grinned.

"What?" Dain practically screamed. First the bloody waiter ruined the meal, then he was flirting with the girl that was _supposed_ to be falling for him, Dain!

"I apologise, sir, I didn't realise you had a hearing problem. I repeat: 'Anytime, ma'am'," the waiter smirked, then sauntered away again.

"C'mon Jasmine. We're leaving," Dain snapped. He stalked up to the counter and threw some money down in front of that smirking bastard.

"Oh, how kind of you to give me a tip," the waiter said sweetly when Dain stormed away. The other man didn't respond, choosing to walk out the front door instead.

"Really, Lief, you should stop aggravating customers. It's bad for business," the waitress scolded the black-haired waiter.

"Sorry…" he muttered, having the grace to look somewhat bashful.

Jasmine laughed and followed Dain out the door. _Hmm… Lief and Jasmine…_ she thought, before mentally slapping herself. However, she did decide to visit that restaurant more in the future…


End file.
